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New Olympic Events for the 2008 Summer Games in China

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As I am sure many of you already are aware, the chosen site for the 2008 summer Olympic games is Beijing, in that God-forsaken excuse for a country, China. The Olympic committee has chosen to reward China's communist government's countless human rights violations by allowing them to host the Olympics. I, too, have decided to honor this bastion of torture and oppression, by compiling a list of new Olympic sporting events that those rotten commie @$$holes are a sure favorite to win.

By Vir Cotto, 16 February 2002

History repeats itself again and again...

Dissident Shoot: A shooting event, with blindfolded politcal prissoners tied to poles as targets. (And, of course, the families of the victims are made to pay for the cost of the bullets.)
 
P-3 Shoot: Another shooting event, only now the targets move. How many P-3 spyplanes can you shoot down?
 
Torture Contest: People are judged on how well they torture political prisoners. Contestants are judged both technically (e.g. how much information they were able to extract from their victim) and artistically (e.g. how much pain did the victim feel).
 
Tank-athlon: My favorite thus far. Contestants are timed on how fast they can maneuver their army tank through an obstacle course. Person with the fastest time wins. However, the course is scattered with democratic protesters, and there is a ten-second time penalty for every protester left unflattened.

Got any more ideas than the ones listed here? Better ones perhaps? I am eager to hear them! Simply e-mail them to me at NOchronoSPAMwerxBOTS@eml.cc (take out the UPPERCASE letters, but you knew that). Remember, no ethnic jokes based on the Chinese people themselves (e.g. "chopstick contest" or something like that). They are the victims here. Only jokes about the evil government under which they suffer.